What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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