I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
