I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
