i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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