woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
