Why are handjobs necessary in class?
zippers are such a cool invention
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
