Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
