I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
