you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
