guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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