drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this beer tastes like vomit already
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
