I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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