i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
