WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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