is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
