What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
