He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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