Don't make out with my wife yet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
