i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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