that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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