I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
