she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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