That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
