woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
