I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
