If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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