Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
