The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
