on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
