in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
