i think my mom watched the whole time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
