I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
