I'm going to jail i love you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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