she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
