we have officially lost it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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