whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
