Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
