My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
