it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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