I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
