Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
