nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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