OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
