Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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