After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
