so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
