i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
