What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
