quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
