one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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